The Buccaneers have reached the stage of the season where football is still being played. For the Bucs it’s more of the same—chase the funny shaped leather thing while humming the tune of Keystone Cops. Against the football Giants of New York comes a chance to do something that Tampa’s defense hasn’t done all year, tackle someone!
A quick message to our eagle-eyed fans: the vicious hit laid on Captain Fear by Noah Spence doesn’t count. It was off the field, and some report the hit took place somewhere outside the physio’s room. News has been leaking out of the practice facility that all manner of schemes has been schemed, some so dastardly that Connor Barth is twisting his moustache somewhere in the Midwest.
When addressing his players Coach Duffner was quoted saying, “Okay, guys, settle down. Kwon, take a knee. What? Yes, Kwon, find a knee and take it. As you know we play New York this Sunday. Jason, stop trying to light that cherry bomb. No, I don’t care if you’ve put it in a number 10 jersey. This Sunday we face off against Saquon Barkley, and we need to wall him in.” Sadly, it was here that my spy equipment failed.
When the defense takes the field, the biggest question will be how to stop Barkley. Arguably in the running for rookie of the year, the Giants RB will present a huge trial for the beleaguered unit. Rumours that large cinder blocks and mortar have been delivered to One Buc Place have so far been denied. Dirk Koetter stared blankly into the distance as he was repeatedly asked about his phone calls to Washington asking if anyone knows how to build a wall. Reports that Koetter challenged this two hours after the interview were blown out of proportion as it was closer to 90 minutes.
The Bucs’ defense is now in desperation. The chances of another historically bad day are such that bookies are having weapons and sharp objects confiscated by local law enforcement, although hope might prevail as some fools are tempted by the Giants 1-7 record.
In other Buccaneers-related news, Gerald McCoy was recently let go from his part-time job as a school crossing guard. A spokesman for Pinellas County Schools said, “Sadly it wasn’t possible for Gerald to continue with us. Despite having a crossing sign, he was unable to stop anything.”
Finally, it is reported that former kicker Chandler Catanzaro is still in the building because he keeps missing the exit.
