Yeah, But Where’s His Whistle?


Can we get away from X’s and O’s for a minute? While the rest of the country prepares for Championship Sunday, Tampa Bay football fans have something different on their minds.  This issue must be addressed, so let’s just get right to it.  The Buccaneers have a head coach who is as cool as the other side of the pillow.  Bruce Arians has so much swagger he’s a one-man parade, and we are all stopping to watch.  His nickname is S.Q. Smooth (Esquire Smooth), and he’s had it since he was eight years old.  You can’t make this stuff up.

When serving as offensive coordinator for the Steelers, after a home victory Arians would shower, change, do interviews and then head to his car parked in the players’ and coaches’ lot.  He would pop the trunk, and in it he would have coolers full of drinks on ice.  A Crown Royal sipper, Arians would pour a drink for himself and then start pouring more for the players and coaches who gathered around his ride.  These pop-up postgame parties were some of his happiest times in Pittsburgh.  For an hour or two they could relax and enjoy each other as friends—not coworkers or teammates, just pals.  Players and coaches would actually bring their families over.  They were just like everybody else who tailgated in the parking lots.  Friends and family enjoying each other’s company.

Coach Arians may be known as the quarterback whisperer, but when it comes to his attire, a better nickname would be the sultan of sartorial smoothness.  Growing up, Arians went to a school that required a shirt and tie.  Not being able to afford them, his uncle gave him one that didn’t fit, and he had to wear it every day.  Coach Arians started working at the Kodak factory to make sure he would have clothes, and he’s been that way ever since.  In the 2017 GQ magazine ranking of the 20 best dressed NFL coaches, Arians was #2.  This reporter calls shenanigans on this assessment as the #1 coach on that list was Bill Belichik. Nothing for nothing, but if at any time your wardrobe consists of a hefty trash bag and sleeveless hoodie, you shouldn’t make the top ten.

As for Coach “B”, he’s bringing the “A” game.  Kangol hats, the fine shirts, stylish shoes.  If you search online for pictures of Bruce Arians, you will see a cat dressed for a night on Bourbon Street instead of a coach leading a team to the end of it.

To say that Arians has swag is an understatement.  To say that Arians is swag seems more appropriate.  As he brings his swag to the rest of the team these next few months, the “X’s” and “O’s” should find their swag as well.

Sources: GQ, Sports Illustrated, ESPN/Stuart Scott.