Looking for unsolicited sarcastic opinion pieces that are hypocritical in nature due to the writer’s constant criticism of a league that he still covers and enjoys? Welcome to Carter’s Corner!
Tom Brady looks like a shell of his former self when it’s not with 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter. You can blame it on the lack of time given to him by the offensive line (they are dealing with 3 backups and Donovan Smith right now), you can blame it on the playcalling (there seems to be an odd correlation between end-of-game no-huddle situations and the Bucs’ spike in offensive production), whatever. I don’t really care at this point. He’s the quarterback, the guy with the ball in his hands, the “GOAT.” It’s his team, and he seems to hit his check down more than anything else, and even when he’s not it’s still not very effective.
So without any more of my needless rambling, here are 4 things more effective than Tom Brady throwing the ball down the field.
1. The IRS
The IRS is widely regarded as one of the more corrupt (or just comically ineffective) organizations in the world. They truly represent everything apprehensive and awful about the world, and I hope if a member of this organization is reading this that you have an awful day. And yet, I still would trust them to do a good job more than I would trust Tom Brady trying to throw a deep ball in 2022 (also, for the purposes of protecting my finances, this is satire, I don’t want to be audited please).
2. Andy Dalton (Apparently)
Andy Dalton has more touchdowns than Tom Brady this season, and he plays on a truly terrible team. Dalton is mostly known for his ineptitude in the playoffs on the CIncinnati Bengals and his red hair, but Monday night he was known as a guy who managed to almost beat Tom Brady by scoring a single touchdown. Nice.
3. Spectrum Internet Services
If you’re familiar with Spectrum and its horribly inability to maintain Internet connection, I’m sorry. I unfortunately bear this burden as well. It’s a miserable experience having to deal with outages on a seemingly biweekly basis, and it can really ruin a good day, or at worst, ruin your ability to do things like, I don’t know, your job. With the world becoming so increasingly reliant on the web, you’d think there would be a reliable Internet provider out there, but no, we have Spectrum. And honestly, Brady throwing the ball down the field has proven to be less effective than even this sorry ass Internet provider.
4. Todd Bowles’ Game Management
Ok, this is a lie, but more of an opportunity to complain about the fact that the Bucs have had back-to-back weeks featuring punt decisions that have ranked amongst the most cowardly decisions in the history of football, according to the Surrender Index Twitter account. They also had that egregious clock management decision last week against the Browns, and the Bucs paid for it with a loss to a really inferior Cleveland Browns team. God I hate watching this dogshit team.