Captain’s Table/Walk the Plank: Buccaneers vs Panthers


The Tampa Bay Buccaneers defeated the Carolina Panthers 21-18 to improve to 5-7 on the season. That can only mean it’s time for Carter Brantley’s “Captain’s Table/Walk the Plank” article. Without further ado…

Captain’s Table:

The Panthers Sucking 

They’re bad. Real bad. They were eliminated from playoff contention with Sunday’s loss, becoming the first team in the NFL to accomplish such a feat. Good gracious it was hard to watch these teams. 

Mike Evans 

A decade of excellence, drama free play, and (knock on wood) health. Not much more to say about arguably the most consistent receiver of this generation. He had another wonderful performance Sunday capped off by him hitting 1k receiving yards for the 10th straight season (he’s played in the NFL for 10 years). Great stuff. 

The Buccaneers Ditching “Country Roads” 

Thank goodness. This isn’t North Carolina, this isn’t Virginia or whatever other southern state you’d like to mention. Luckily the Bucs figured it out and got the message. We’ll get to the song they chose though…

Walk the Plank:

Baker Mayfield

Yuck. Just a tough game from a guy who’s otherwise been relatively okay so far this year. Below 50% completion, a really bad pick that looked like he was just playing jackpot (IYKYK), and not a whole lot of production. Fortunately the Bucs still pulled it out. 

“Enter Sandman”

Nope. Still not it. The Bucs are not Mariano Rivera. Cool light show though. 

The Weather 

Let me preface this by saying I actually love rain. Like weird, borderline obsessive enjoyment of rain. So I loved Sunday’s weather. But for a football game, it’s less than ideal. For a matchup of two of the worst offenses in football? Yeesh…

DirectTV Not Playing The Game

I don’t care whose fault it is. Yes I know CBS gave us that ridiculously annoying reminder last week. I don’t give a shit. It’s ridiculous. Two corporations fighting over more money because they’re both greedy groups of scum. Burn both buildings down. Fuck both of them. People pay for cable or streaming or whatever to watch these games. It’s flat out robbery that DirectTV didn’t show them. Fuck both sides. Can’t emphasize that enough.  

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