With the divorce rumors swirling and Tom Brady returning for his 150th NFL season just so he can beat the crap out of the Falcons two more times, it’s time we take a look at some things TB12 would rather do than spend time with his family.
Get Throttled by Aaron Donald Yearly
Hey, whatever he’s into, it’s all good. Donald has been the best defensive player in football for quite some time, and Brady keeps coming back for more big hits, for whatever reason.
Have His Team Give Up 41 Points While His Offense Scores 31
Not to hate on the defense, because the Chiefs game performance aside, they’ve been outstanding, but it is tough when you put up 31 points and still lose in the NFL.
Throw 52 Passes and Injure Your Rotator Cuff
I mean, the guy’s 45. If you’re that age throwing a football 52+ times in the span of 3 hours, you’re probably going to hurt yourself, I don’t care what your fake doctor trainer tells you.
Throw to a Receiving Group of Scotty Miller, Breshard Perriman, and Russell Gage
Eek. No offense to Russell Gage, because he’s a solid receiver and had a wonderful Week 3, but having him as your number 1 option is enough to make me want to retire. Hopefully that’s just a one-time occurrence, but with Godwin and Jones unable to stay healthy for more than an hour and Evans liable to miss at least a couple games, it could happen again.
Deal with Robert Hainsey Screwing up Snaps/Allowing Delay of Game Penalties on a 2-Point Conversion
Yeah, the Hainsey experience hasn’t been the worst, and he’s unlikely to be replaced at this point until Ryan Jensen returns (is he coming back or not?). Hainsey has gone through his fair share of growing pains in his first year as a starter, with the former Notre Dame man making some brutal mistakes in some big moments.
Here’s to hoping TB12 doesn’t get divorced from Gisele. I don’t know how much more of Pete Davidson I can take.
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